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What they say after they hurt you

February 17th, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments





In my work as a Patient Safety Advocate, and as the survivor of a harmed patient, I have heard many things that patients and families are told when things go wrong.  This is just a starter list.   I want friends and colleagues to add to it.  It seems that many of us have been on the receiving end of a widely used script that is used when bad things happen in Hospitals.

1. We did every thing we could.   (really?  When, before the harm or after?)

2. These things happen all the time.  (not to me or my family they don’t)

3. This is a very rare event.  (What about my aunt, and my classmate and my next door neighbor?)

3. There really isn’t much we can do about it.  (then, this must be your  way of doing business)

4. That is your perception of what happened and not necessarily what actually did happen.    (I saw it happen!)

5. We have met the accepted Standards of care.  (Honestly?  Then how come my loved one walked in with a minor problem a week ago and ended up sicker, with an unrelated problem?  I’d suggest changing your Standards of Care.)

6. You have an infection.  (what kind of infection? is it catching? is it curable?  will I be affected by this or disabled by it? how do I protect my family against it?)

7. You most likely carried that infection into the Hospital with you.  (Then I must have carried it around at home too.  Why didn’t I get an infection at home  and why didn’t my family get it too?)

8.  Just leave it to us, we will take care of everything.  (I already tried that)

8. You haven’t been a compliant patient and that probably contributed to the problem. (Seriously?  Just because I didn’t “obey” your commands, I got this horrible condition that is completely unrelated to what I came into the hospital for?  Are you blaming me for a problem that you caused?)

9. You knew that this complication could happen,  because you signed an informed consent.   ( You never once told me that I could become disabled or die from this procedure. My consent for treatment form was handed to me when I was medicated and scared, so I did not have the opportunity to look it over carefully before I signed.)

10.  Of course we expect you to pay for the treatment necessary after your complications.  (You infected me and now I am supposed to pay a thousand dollars a pop for an IV antibiotic??)

11. Oh, you are losing your home because you can no longer work and your bills are so high?  We are so sorry to hear that.  (No you are not!  I became disabled because of dangerous harmful hospital care and then you sicced  your collection agency on me when I couldn’t pay the bills for lousy care!)

12. You are overreacting.  (no, I am not.  My loved one is not doing well and you and your staff are not paying attention to him/her.  I know him/her better than you do)

13. Perhaps you should consider comfort care.  (he just took a turn for the worst this minute and you us to give up hope right now?)

14. If you do what your doctor tells you to do, you will be fine.  (Funny how many people do that, and more. But they are still harmed by their healthcare.)

15. At least his death was peaceful.  (He has spent the last several weeks losing weight, unable to do anything or walk, getting bedsores,  and isolated in this room because his hospital infected him….you think that was peaceful for him?  He mourned the loss of independence and inability to live with beloved wife for the past several weeks,)

16. Oh, but that IS the complete health record.  (Where is the information about when you operated on the wrong site? or the hospital acquired infection? or when he/she was given the wrong medicine? or when he/she fell out of bed and broke an arm?)

17. The family is being difficult.  (It might be  because nobody is paying attention to their concerns, or their right to safe high quality care and to advocate for their loved one)

18. We will do an internal investigation and a Root Cause Analysis.  (What part to I get to play in your investigation, and when do I get the answers I deserve?)

A colleague mentioned that I should add  “Nothing” to this list of what providers say….Providers sometimes respond to our questions with silence…no answers at all.  No responses to emails, letters or phone calls.   Ignoring the harm does not make it go away.

Another said this

“I was told it was my fault my father died because I was the one who put him in a nursing home for rehab, rehab that his primary care insisted on. The administrator who told me this somehow forgot to tell me they had drugged my dad with antipsychotic drugs which led to deadly side effects, dehydration, kidney failure, falls AND a MRSA infection. The administrator actually told me that I should have known all this would happen.”

Let’s all add to this list of things that providers/Hospitals  tell us when things go wrong.



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