The Skinny on Pain
I called my old friend and cohort in crime yesterday. We are both 75 years old ladies now. She was laid out on her bed with back pain. She is no stranger to pain. Both hips have been replaced (one done TWICE) and both knees as well. Her long struggle with joint pain has been horrible. And now her back is giving her conniptions. I remember with fondness when we would hit the local bars to party, find guys, and dance the night away. Neither of us regretted that partying (except when we had to work together in our local operating room the next morning). Our memories keep us alive and laughing.
In recent years I have become a host for pain myself. An ever worsening hip osteoarthritis has whittled my life down to mostly sitting in a recliner or trying to sleep in my new adjustable bed. Thank goodness for streaming movies and TV series. This excruciating groin/hip pain started about 10 years ago, on a trip South. I remember getting in and out of our truck and the pain would take my breath away. That acute phase eased off, but gradually I got nagging, daily and nightly pain. I began taking Ibuprofen daily. sometimes 3 times a day, according to my need. I kept trying to walk some and doing my regular activities, but gradually over the years all of that just decreased and now I just sit, often with a heating pad. Before my husband died last summer, he picked up the slack around the household. He had taken over all of my shopping needs, so I didn’t have to walk the aisles of grocery stores. If we went anywhere, he dropped me off at the door. He did all of the outside work, while I did my best at the indoor work. He did all the heavy lifting, and walking our little dog Stanley. When he was hospitalized with his horrible cancer last summer, I used an electric scooter every day to go sit with him. The only other time I had used one was at a remote casino, where nobody would see me. There is a pride thing when we give up trying to walk and use accessibility aids. But, my pride paled in the face of my husbands impending death. After he passed, I adjusted to my new responsibilities I learned to order all of my groceries and other needs online for delivery and I mostly avoid going anywhere that requires. a lot of walking. That includes flying anywhere, like I did for years when I was actively working on Patient Safety.
I went to the local Sam’s club yesterday to gas up my truck and to pick up a prescription. Doing that is a big deal for me now. I managed to walk from my handicapped parking spot (yes, I have a placard) with my cane, to the entrance and grabbed a scooter that had a sign on it “ready”. It barely chugged to the back of the store where their roasted chickens are. There were no chickens, but also there was barely a charge left on the scooter. I panicked and headed to the front where the pharmacy is. A store employee walked by and I asked if she could get me another scooter since the one I was on was nearly dead. I’m not sure I could have walked out to my car from where I was. She said she would be right back. I waited quite a while in line for my prescription, and then turned to leave on the nearly dead scooter. She finally came up behind me on a fully charged scooter. We switched and I went back to see if the chickens were cooked. They were NOT. So, I finally headed out to my car, not trusting that this scooter would stay charged long enough for me to shop around. My reliance on things like that and the panic that sets in if they aren’t reliable just sickens me.
After all these years of putting off hip replacement, I decided last June to go on a weight loss program and started doing Mounjaro injections. I have lost 40lbs and I have quite a bit to go. My Pain Clinic NP recommended a surgeon in NH to do a minimally invasive anterior robotic hip replacement. (I get regular hip injections at the Pain clinic, with varying results) I asked her if there was any issue with obesity in getting that procedure. “Not that I know of” was her response. So I called to schedule an appointment and I asked again about weight restrictions. I got the same response from their scheduler. My son took a day from work to drive me over 7 hours round trip to this “expert”. He spent less than 5 minutes with me only to tell me that he would not do that procedure on me because of my fat distribution (obesity). I certainly do not want to do something that would be a risk to me, but that felt like fat shaming to me. He said I would need the posterior approach procedure and that he did not perform that one. He then referred me to another surgeon in that practice, requiring another trip to NH. Also he referred me to their own Physical Therapy in that NH practice. He had no idea where I lived, or what my limitations were and he did not do a thorough exam. What an F ing waste of my time and money. I will not go back.
Back to the pain. I had a plan for a brand new hip, and a long list of questions for that doctor. After 10 years of pain and delay and planning and finally taking this step to see a so called expert, I was dismissed so quickly that it stunned me. Now I need to regroup. If there was a way to treat the pain, I would just plan to live with my original equipment. But. one thing that modern medicine has not succeeded in is development of an effective NON NARCOTIC NON ADDICTIVE pain reliever. The semi effective medicines I take now either fry livers or decimate kidneys…(Tylenol and ibuprofen)…oh, and make intestines bleed. Why is that? Is it because using a snazzy robot and doing quick joint replacements is so much more lucrative for the doctors and facilities than developing safe effective pain medications? I truly wonder about that.
My friend lives in pain every day, just like I do now. Her life has whittled down to doing the basic necessities and not doing a lot of the social things she use to do….much like me. Both of us were social butterflies in our time. Now we have to think about where we go, and if we can get around. Will the drive be too long and painful? Will there be comfortable seating or if overnight, comfortable bedding? Will I be able to walk or climb the steps there and is the bathroom accessible? Is anyone around to help me if I need it? Sometimes, actually most of the time, it is easier just to stay home. But, our friends and family start to feel shunned or snubbed. It isn’t that at all….it is just our reality. She said she has said to her kids and others “They just shoot old lame horses…so why not us?” It’s sad to say, but it makes sense. Our desperation makes us think along those lines.
In my regrouping effort, I have decided to can that surgery for now. If I can find the right safe pain medicine, I’ll can it forever. Pain interrupts everything, including needed sleep and everyday activities. As long as I can take care of myself, my little dog Stanley, and my home inside, I’m good. That dismissive doctor can keep his fancy pants robot and procedure and I can keep my money. My needs are not huge, I just want to live without pain and be able to get my sorry butt around to where I need to go.
