Super Women
I have never felt more powerful than when I gave birth the first time. I couldn’t sleep for days, and it was the endorphins, not a colicky baby that kept me awake, at least for first several days. I was super woman. I had conceived and grown a full term baby boy inside my body. There is nothing in this world more powerful than that.
My son was born 1 year and 2 days after I was married. We just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary and my son’s 49th birthday. He was round and perfect and he looked just like my father in law. My husband and I waited for him with open arms and he was loved by us and all of our extended family.
At 23, I was ready for my first baby. I had graduated from nursing school, had my career and found the love of my life. We were on our way as a family. We struggled and worked and did just fine.
Fast forward 17 years from 1973. I had 2 sons by then, so I was superwoman twice. I have been doubly empowered by the birth of my sons. There were no pregnancies after that until after I turned 40 years old. I was working as an ER nurse and Mike was working as a US Customs inspector. We had a good life and the news of this pregnancy floored us! But, we both welcomed the chance to be parents one more time. In fact, we were ecstatic! My mother had a baby at 42, and he brought great joy to their lives. Just maybe this was our chance to do the same.
When I was about 3 months along and after I had announced this pregnancy to family, I began to bleed, just a little bit. It was Christmas time and so I kept an eye on it for a few days to get through the holidays. Then I got checked. My OBS couldn’t hear a heartbeat and she did an ultrasound. The fetus was not normal. There was no question that this pregnancy was over and I needed a therapeutic abortion/aka D&C. This decision was made between my doctor and me, and my husband was advised after the decision was made. He and I were absolutely devastated by this turn of events, and he fully supported whatever I decided and did. It broke my heart and stole away all our plans of a new baby. As it turned out, my pregnancy was abnormal from the beginning. I had an hidatidiform molar pregnancy. This is when a fertilized egg develops abnormally and sometimes grows too rapidly, developing teeth, hair etc, but never forming a normal baby. If left growing to term, it can affect the health of the Mom, or even cause cancer. No matter the details. This was a deeply painful and personal experience, and I did not need input from a man or politicians or intrusive laws and regulations. This was between my doctor and me. Aside from my husband, this was nobody’s business except mine.
Every single pregnancy is extremely personal and powerful. Woman Power makes us perfect for making our own decisions. We have this incredible ability to sustain and grow cells inside us to form a full size baby, and we also have the brain power to decide if that is what we want or if the timing is right or even if it is safe. The circumstances around a pregnancy can make a huge difference to a woman. Questions a woman may ask herself are….. Will this pregnancy add to my life and love, or will it destroy anything I have planned for my future? Will it kill me? Will it be like the brute who raped me? Will I be able to support and love it? Will I be rejected by my family if I have it? Will the father have anything more to do with me? Will I be able to work? Will the medication I have been on affect it? Am I able to care for this very deformed baby? Am I too young to give birth? (in the case of children being impregnated, they need professional counseling and parental or guardian guidance). The reasons to continue a pregnancy or terminate it are innumerable, and endless. And it is different for every woman and her circumstances.
When I heard the recent news of the SCOTUS plans to revoke Roe vs Wade, I nearly exploded. I remember when Catholics were forbidden birth control and I saw the results. Women having their 12th or 15th baby came to our Catholic Hospital delivery room in Boston, where I trained as a nurse in the late 60s. They were exhausted, stretched out and bored with the process of delivery. Some were irate, and once medicated their “real” feelings came out in words that no good Catholic woman would ever have used if not medicated. These were not terms of endearment, or Catholic prayers. The Church didn’t even allow tubal ligation. If a woman wanted that she had to go elsewhere and the husband had to sign papers “allowing” it. I am getting triggered just remembering all this and how incredibly archaic and sexist it is.
Believe it or not, I hate abortions too. I can’t think of a single woman who would say she likes or loves abortions. They are painful both physically and emotionally. But, we do embrace our own power over reproduction decisions and abortion is part of that.
If we want to end abortions, we MUST take care of what causes them. MEN for one thing…..the people who too often do the duty and walk away. Make the men equally responsible, because it takes two parts to make a zygot…the precursor to an embryo. Also, make insurances pay for all forms birth control….condoms, IUDs, Birth Control pills, tubal ligations, vasectomies, or anything else a woman wants or needs to stop pregnancies from happening in the first place. Fund day care (either employers of the government) because it easily takes TWO to support a baby these days…and many single Moms can’t afford daycare. Fund pre school in every State. Women know how to live their best lives after making their own decisions, so stop allowing politicians to make those decisions for them. Provide sex education early and often. Abstinence is a lovely lofty concept(ion) idea, but it is as unrealistic as Santa Claus. Human hormones win out. Even with all of these precautions, we still need safe abortions accessible for all women, not just the rich. No precaution against pregnancy is 100% effective.
And, don’t ever assume YOU know what is best for any woman. As an RN, I have advised a number of women on their options, but I have never presumed I know what is best for them. Again, it is their business, not mine or yours or any politicians. Unless she has asked for your thoughts, keep your gigantic traps shut and step back, except to support her choice. A woman knows what is best for herself, her body, her family and her future. It is none of your damned business, it is hers.
Half of US citizens are women. We have a ton of power. It is time to get loud. Don’t back down on this, because it is just one of many dominoes in the line.
